The Girl I Never Wanted...

I know the title sounds cruel...its not really but it was my reality. Before having children I prayed for boys..hard praying... explaining very carefully to God why I would not be a good girl parent. As God and I chatted I hoped he understood that I hate to shop, have trouble with girl drama and couldn't take a child being dispointed in my lack of girl skills. So in his great wisdom God sent me boys and not only boys but Manly boys who played hard and liked me most of the time. PHew...

Along came Megan. I fell in love with this child during a brief meeting as Nicholas raced home from a out of state college with her for the day. They were not here long enough but long enough to eat and exchange some conversation. Nicholas sparkled with this girl. I had not seen that before in him not that sparkle. He wanted to please her. Now Nicholas had brought home girls before but truely girls were a pretty temporary thing with him. He had much to do and could only be distracted by females for a short time. Pleasing a girl was more of a stretch they were with him not him with them. He has always treated women with great respect but again he had much to do.

Over time on Nic's home visits having other gf's etc..this Megan would come up over and over again. I did not know her but I knew I liked her. Meeting her brought instant respect when in the first few sentenced she annouced she loved her Momma. This trend continues as Megan respects and loves and takes in account her Mother's advice and wisdom. I too adored my Mother.

So fast forward if you will to my son becoming a Marine and and Megan becoming a part of my life in a way unexpected. The relationship we have built started out of a mutual love of an ambitous Marine. The relationship we have now is built out of a mutual respect and enjoyment of each other. Somedays she is my daughter..well all days she is my daughter but somedays that daughter is a friend with incredible thoughts and insight and maturity. Somedays she is my rock helping me navigating missing and dealing with the reality of my son's commitment to our country and somedays she is a silly girl I giggle with. All the days she is my friend.

She is the daughter I never wanted..with the cute clothes and everychanging styles and looks. She is tiny and lovely and loves loves loves shoes and dresses! (Wondering if I actually own a dress) So here is what God did for me..he sent me this lovely girl with her own Momma who fills all those female needs for her and I get to have the soft gentle love of a girl child. Her Momma has raised an incredible daughter. I get no credit for the wonderful woman she is that credit goes to her own Mom but I do get to enjoy the wonderful woman she is.

I hope as time goes on her and my son create a life together but I know whatever happens my son has brought home a beautiful gift in Megan's friendship.

Mother's Day: The Act of Celebrating Your Mother

Why do I always feel lost on this day. I joined the club of my Mother is gone fifteen years ago. The club is full of wonderful people I love people who support one another and share stories and memories but I hate this club. I want to be in the other club the what do I buy my Mom today, how do I make her day special. It's painful to hear others whine about the process of the day. Now I am more commiserating than whining because I had an exceptional Mother. I had more than many will ever have and her love is felt flowing from Heaven. I am grateful she is above watching over Nicholas and Steven and I gather strength from that fact.

To add to the fun of the day...oh I am whining...my oldest who came to life and created me as a Mother is far away doing Marine things. I miss him so. He by nature of what he does has tested me as a person and a Mother all year. The worry and waiting and the pride leave me amazed that I raised this man.

Steven my second child is the child who allowed me to relax as a Mother. He is steady as you go and a strong man in the family as well. I am amazed that I raised this man too...

So for all my wonderful friends who's Mother's look down on them as well...lets shine and have a good day so they too can be proud of the children they raised.

Rest in Peace Marilyn Rae Hughes Sorensen

No One

No one asked us.
No one detailed out the journey.
No where did we agree to the risks.
No where did we understand we would see our kids 10 ish days a year.
No amount of convincing would have allowed for shooting at our children.
No one can say stupider things than we have been told about our Marines.
Some days we are sick of being proud, sick of missing them, sick of the whole thing...
I miss his voice and his laugh and his presence.
So your welcome for the freedom and the peace of mind that wafts around you as you sleep because we are tired and awake...

Marine Moms