The Girl I Never Wanted...

I know the title sounds cruel...its not really but it was my reality. Before having children I prayed for boys..hard praying... explaining very carefully to God why I would not be a good girl parent. As God and I chatted I hoped he understood that I hate to shop, have trouble with girl drama and couldn't take a child being dispointed in my lack of girl skills. So in his great wisdom God sent me boys and not only boys but Manly boys who played hard and liked me most of the time. PHew...

Along came Megan. I fell in love with this child during a brief meeting as Nicholas raced home from a out of state college with her for the day. They were not here long enough but long enough to eat and exchange some conversation. Nicholas sparkled with this girl. I had not seen that before in him not that sparkle. He wanted to please her. Now Nicholas had brought home girls before but truely girls were a pretty temporary thing with him. He had much to do and could only be distracted by females for a short time. Pleasing a girl was more of a stretch they were with him not him with them. He has always treated women with great respect but again he had much to do.

Over time on Nic's home visits having other gf's etc..this Megan would come up over and over again. I did not know her but I knew I liked her. Meeting her brought instant respect when in the first few sentenced she annouced she loved her Momma. This trend continues as Megan respects and loves and takes in account her Mother's advice and wisdom. I too adored my Mother.

So fast forward if you will to my son becoming a Marine and and Megan becoming a part of my life in a way unexpected. The relationship we have built started out of a mutual love of an ambitous Marine. The relationship we have now is built out of a mutual respect and enjoyment of each other. Somedays she is my daughter..well all days she is my daughter but somedays that daughter is a friend with incredible thoughts and insight and maturity. Somedays she is my rock helping me navigating missing and dealing with the reality of my son's commitment to our country and somedays she is a silly girl I giggle with. All the days she is my friend.

She is the daughter I never wanted..with the cute clothes and everychanging styles and looks. She is tiny and lovely and loves loves loves shoes and dresses! (Wondering if I actually own a dress) So here is what God did for me..he sent me this lovely girl with her own Momma who fills all those female needs for her and I get to have the soft gentle love of a girl child. Her Momma has raised an incredible daughter. I get no credit for the wonderful woman she is that credit goes to her own Mom but I do get to enjoy the wonderful woman she is.

I hope as time goes on her and my son create a life together but I know whatever happens my son has brought home a beautiful gift in Megan's friendship.

Mother's Day: The Act of Celebrating Your Mother

Why do I always feel lost on this day. I joined the club of my Mother is gone fifteen years ago. The club is full of wonderful people I love people who support one another and share stories and memories but I hate this club. I want to be in the other club the what do I buy my Mom today, how do I make her day special. It's painful to hear others whine about the process of the day. Now I am more commiserating than whining because I had an exceptional Mother. I had more than many will ever have and her love is felt flowing from Heaven. I am grateful she is above watching over Nicholas and Steven and I gather strength from that fact.

To add to the fun of the day...oh I am whining...my oldest who came to life and created me as a Mother is far away doing Marine things. I miss him so. He by nature of what he does has tested me as a person and a Mother all year. The worry and waiting and the pride leave me amazed that I raised this man.

Steven my second child is the child who allowed me to relax as a Mother. He is steady as you go and a strong man in the family as well. I am amazed that I raised this man too...

So for all my wonderful friends who's Mother's look down on them as well...lets shine and have a good day so they too can be proud of the children they raised.

Rest in Peace Marilyn Rae Hughes Sorensen

No One

No one asked us.
No one detailed out the journey.
No where did we agree to the risks.
No where did we understand we would see our kids 10 ish days a year.
No amount of convincing would have allowed for shooting at our children.
No one can say stupider things than we have been told about our Marines.
Some days we are sick of being proud, sick of missing them, sick of the whole thing...
I miss his voice and his laugh and his presence.
So your welcome for the freedom and the peace of mind that wafts around you as you sleep because we are tired and awake...

Marine Moms

Mothers, Foundations and a Tool Box

If foundations are the strength of a house than I contend Mothers are the foundation of a child. My Mother was and remains the foundation of my strength. I still know what she would advise if I listen to my heart because she created that security within me. I must say I hate Mother's Day...It became I don't have a Mother here on earth and it does seem like people with Mothers are smearing it in my face that they do. (I have lovely friends I emphasis they are not)

The pain I feel when one of my friends joins the I Dont Have a Mother Club is deep. I know that their feelings are similar to mine and I know that although the wretching pain ends the longing to see your Mother again and be her child never end. Having a Mother to lead is like a security blanket and when I lost my Mother I came to the sharp relazation that I would not be Mothered ever again in my life.

I love being a Mother it was my lifes dream. After trying to explain to my son's about how I felt about empty nesting and realizing they could not comprehend my feelings even though they were compassionate about it (well for young men). So my Marine asks me Mom what did you want to be or do before you had children. I think its hard for alot of people to understand that my lifes desire was to be Nicholas and Steve's Mother. Nothing else no desire to travel, have jewels, write a great novel I love being their Mother and Eric's wife thats game all for me. So my Marine consoles me with Mom you have excelled at your dream. Now find a new one! Geesh...

Now my second child Steven... he was the child that was to leave my nest empty and I must say the more he asked me to help him with college applications the more I talked about the one he could commute to. Finally my sweet loving child looked me squarely in the eye and said Mom I know Nic has left to be a Marine and its hard but am going away to college are you going to help me or not? Wow I was sabitaging his efforts to go to a small private college. You will be happy he got into the college of his dreams althought I must admit while not praying against it I did not pray for it. He has had an exceptional first year and I have survived.

This is where the true man in my life kicked it. Facing a wife who finally collased under the weight of her Mother dying a decade or so prior, a son who after college headed of to be the badest ass Marine he could be..all infantry...all high speed..all the time and her baby who was her solid pleaser child who was mature and loving and a friend packed his bags to go Eric kicked in his role in high gear. He quickly showed me how wonderful a life we still had with each other and even the joys of the kids being out of the nest. He allowed me to regain the foundation my Mother provided.


The problem with providing son's with very strong foundations is they are not afraid to build on them and move in. The joy of it is my sons are independant and self reliant and they have the faith that I helped build in them that they can succeed. My husband build in them the want to fight and protect and kick some literal ass in Policing and Serving Country.

So when I felt like my Mom left me in limbo with a strong foundation but no Mother to lean on I realized she left me a tool box in which to pull from each time a new situation arises. She left me with answers to questions that have not been asked yet. She left me standing with children who looked to me to be ready with the toolbox. The cycle continues...

Marilyn Rae Hughes Sorensen love flows freely from here to Heaven.

A little Girl a Loving Man...A little Boy a Loving Man

I saw a mirror image in action form this weekend while attending the wedding of a young woman that my husband and I love. This lady like my Marine son had a Dad and I retract from using the work step because the description fits neither man. I saw her gaze into her Dad's eyes as she played a video of her singing Heroes to him at approximately eight years of age. I realized at that moment that this man had came into her life at the same age as my husband came into my son's life. My son and this young lady became friends and our worlds connected. Interestingly my husband and this man had been friends as well. As I watched the flashing of the video and the tears of the girl and the man, I felt the wettness of my tears and witnessed tears dropping down the eyes of my own husband. These children the boy and the girl were saved by these men in much the same way. This strong woman in the beautiful white dressed twirled like a eight year old girl with this man and declared by song her Dad a hero and the room knew that he was. I looked at my hero who had raised my young boys into men without the want for reward. Although my son will never twirl with his Daddy he does when departing for the next mission find his Father last and they hold each other and shed tears much in the same way the beautiful bride did with her Daddy.

I used to feel so much graditude to my husband for raising children he did not sire but know now that the work is done and the boys are men to be admired I see that I gave him the greatest gift of all I gave him sons. The children love their Dad in the same way that they love me. My Marine who is the most amazing man full of strength and honor was guided with a strong and tight hand to greatness. My college son was shown love and honor and courage and constantly mirrors his Dad's strengths.

Thank God for men who love children who need love for no other reason then they love the childs Mother. Thank God for men who love children who's own Dad's have failed them. Thank God for the college boy who would rather drive home and fish with his Dad than do anything else. Thank God for the vision I will have forever of the beautiful girl in the beautiful white dress and the boy in the dress blue uniform who cry while holding their Daddy.

A Marine's Brother...Is He Jealous... The answer was in the laundry!

Admittedly Marine Corp's Mom's are obsessed with their Marine. We know their PFT scores, how well they shoot, points they are waiting on for promotion and any thing they can do better. We swear we don't think they are better than the other branches..but honestly we probably do. They all wear different colored belts depending on their McMap skills and levels and we know what color they wear and whats next. So here is the rub...what about the other children in your family. What do they feel and how do they feel when their brother or sister is the center of the universe. Are they jealous and wish that all this Marine Momma drama would go away...

So the answer is in the laundry for me. My other son is amazing. He is a happy young man and he has caused us very few sleepless nites unlike his high speed brother. I was home one day and my Steve had dropped his laundry like all college kids do and was running to the police station to visit his Dad who is an officer. So I started doing what my son's call the magic laundry...you drop it anywhere in the house and the next time you look for said laundry it is packed back in the same bag smelling great and folded neatly. So was pondering does this wonderful child understand how much we adore him, respect him and know that his value is as great as his brother's. The answer was in the laundry. I noted that his most worn tee-shirts where the two Marine t-shirts both given to him by his brother. He also had jeans and sweatshirts and other apparel he had conficasted from my Marine using the Gear Adrift Gear A Gift policy that my boys have always had...noting that this time Nic's gear was hung neatly in his closet before deployment which does violate said policy. Mind you I would have got on him about this but in a recent picture of Nic in a distant land the caption read yes Steve I stole your new t-shirt and also your sweatpants and a couple other things you can watch for in photos... Oh yes as he prepared to deploy for almost a year he packed several of his brothers things...

When I went to pack Steve's clothes in his room I noted how much Marine paraphenalia he had. Steve has no intention of being a Marine but he takes great pride of his brothers courage. Steve does not feel the need to be Nic any more than his father and I do and he is awed by his brothers service just as we are.


I had spent so many nites lying awake and worrying that everyone felt loved equally (do men ever lose sleep over such thoughts?) and the answer was there all the time in the laundry.

Parris Island _Mom get off the Island! Week 1

Well despite my son's pleading for me to mentally get off the island I think about that island and what my son indured there...but that story is his own and not really for my telling. For me my story of the US Marine Corps starts there too. Okay pack your son/daughter that you have spent everyday of your life caring for and protecting to go to boot. What do you pack...absolutely nothing! They get to take nothing! Holy crap! I thought I was brillant by buying a pre-paid mailer pre-weighed so my son could fly with his phone and his i-pod well it worked out for me but let me tell ya something a not very well traveled Mom did not know..no post office mailboxes in airports. So my son had to beg a traveler to mail it home for him. (To that traveler I thank you for your kindness but also wonder what the heck you were thinking you don't take packages from strangers and mail them) As he called through the day my apprehension grew but he had found some scared recruits and was helping them along the way.

The beloved first phone call..nothing more than a way to touture us. Its a call that really doesnt say hey Mom i am okay..the real message is we have your kid,the cord is cut so get a grip Mom and adapt.

The first week is adjusting week for them and for us family members. I found a website parrisisland at yuku.com where I found a few new friends who would help me through this beginning journey. Most were parents a few were DI'S wives who to get through all the time their husbands were away would chat with us and fill us in, comfort us and tell us to get a grip and often I am sure laugh at us! Oh N and C you know you did!

My son being from Maine and spending a freezing winter in Maine and heading directly to boot camp in South Carolina found that he was unfamilar with necessary hydration techniques of Southerners...we are not camels here in the North! So my Son quickly found the deck..and the Naval Hospital. If you are a boot Mom..yes they call you right away. The DI that called me said Ma'me at no time during the fall did your recruit's head hit the deck. He seized and the doc says he is lucky it was a bad heat stroke! What?! So I asked this Marine are you telling me that my house is on fire and it burnt down and at no time did you slam the door..????? He thought for a moment... and oh yes I made the DI laugh...Yes Ma'me I guess it would sound like that. Next question. Do you need to talk to your son? Thoughts racing..mind saying hell yes...I responded, No he is a grown man and I am sure he can handle this. I said that! What?! It was a good answer but geesh..of course I wanted to talk to my son. Those Marine's did cut the cord. I will tell you now and again later i signed up for nothing. I went back to the before mentioned website..changed my away symbol to a crying face and was instantly bombed with wonderful Moms/family aand miltary family with support and a few buck ups!

I spend the first week in a daze. I became a cryer which normally I find annoying and i wrote two letters a day waiting for the inital address. I am sure my husband thought i was a crazy woman but he did not mention it. My husband is not a stupid man! With week 1 under my belt I was learning about their Senior Drill instructor who would be their daddy who would come to get them....No one told me about their KILL HAT YET....but soon C and N would...and Tracer and SB would comfort me about him too! I signed up for nothing...

Cleft lip and Palate Children

If you think having a child with a birth defect such as this is bad luck you maybe wrong. Although it was an incredible amount of stress and work and pain for my child to go through the endless procedures and surgeries he is the incredible man that he is because of it not inspite of it. It gave him the courage and understanding of many things. Pain..my son knows how to work past pain and knows its temporary and that there is always success at the other side of healing.

He learned to advocate for himself by the age of about four. How do you teach a child to look up to a surgeon and say I have questions. Your not listening to me. Thanks for making my face better. You don't teach that its something my then four year old child pulled from himself.

He learned to laugh at himself and others who asked stupid questions. He learned which foods work in a blender...mashed potatoes yes, spagettios yes, applepie from McDonald's also yes..pizza..not so much!

He learned to trust others, his parents, to ask for help and to push it away. What he did not do is make excuses for himself or use it as an excuse not to succeed. '

He had incredible surgeons who gave him a normal life and we made sure he understood in many lands these surgeries were not only not available but cleft lip and palate children are hidden or disgarded.

My cleft palate child graduated from high school with honors, played sports, went to a great private college, became a police officer at age 20..very hard to do...and became an infantry United States Marine and put on a Fleet Anti Terrorism Security Team.

No excuses..............just excellence! So if you have a new cleft lip and palate child guide him/her to excellence be grateful for a healthy mind and know that other parents who have been through it are there for you! Your friend in the journey Tamera

Cleft's, Marines, Cops and Bears..Oh My...

Inspired by a Marine Aunt I thought I would start a blog. I am a Mom/Wife..it is my career oh yes I do other things and work for a living but nothing more inspiring than the Mom/Wife title. So to my blog title...Cleft's is about my oldest who was born with a unilateral cleft lip and palate on a Thankgiving evening 23 years ago. He came into the world in a whirlwind fighting death and more than pissed off.. His life continues to be a whirlwind he is a Cop turned United States Marine on a Fleet Antiterrorism Security Team...more on him he will give me much to write about.

My second child came in more quietly add his life moves more gently but he too is headed towards being a cop...so just when you think girlfriend two cops you will never have friends ; ) My husband is a Cop. So you can see alot of adrenaline flows through my house.

To the Bear's I live in Maine and we built a house in the woods and its beautiful here but I got chased by a huge bear and have a fear of the woods now so that keeps life interesting. I spent the winter getting out there and snowshoeing etc but the bears are now awake and hungry so i am struggling with this..more on my bear story later.

I have a blessed marriage to my high school sweetheart who I adore we don't fight and think we have marriage figured out it seems so easy so probably when God reads this he will send some bumps our way...

I work for a surgical office and enjoy helping people through their medical issues but it really is a way to pay the bills honestly I would rather be home I love being home! I also work at an icecream shop note one child above is in college and I also do police transcription when work presents itself again..child in college.

I lost my Mom to breast cancer she was amazing I was 31 so it was definelty a defining time in my life. She taught me so much I have many tools she left me with to work with. I am now 46 and although getting older can be annoying it is great to have more knowledge to navigate life.

Well above is the fringes of my life...lets be friends through the jouney...Tamera